Wasted Time: A Cautionary Tale

I just turned 49. One year away from 50. And in that span of my life where I knew I wanted to create and had the means to do so, I wasted most of that time.

Don't be like me.

I write this post not just to have something to remind myself to get back to writing when I instead pick up my phone to endlessly scroll Instagram or turn on the TV to watch a movie I've seen a million times, but also for you, dear reader, as something to not aspire to.

I also write this for my daughter, who is more artistically inclined, like her talented graphic designer mother. I hope to instill in her a sense of determination to get good at a craft early in life rather than half-heartedly moseying about the edges of a life of possible talent and meaning.

While I don’t mean to force her into a life she doesn’t want, as some parents can do with their kids be it in sports, music or academics, I know first-hand what it means to sit idly on the sidelines and dream about doing rather than actually doing. Getting good at something early on and practicing that skill, especially in an area where you seem to have a natural talent, can only benefit you in the long run, I believe.

It's one thing to have no talent and waste time, but when you have some talent or even a lot of it, and you do nothing with the gift you've been given, well that's a crime unto itself.

While I don't believe I'm a great writer, I have been told I have a "voice" to my writing, even early on in my high school and college days. I even have a letter from a screenwriter professor at UCLA praising my first completed screenplay. (It’s very possible his TA wrote the letter, or that he was just being nice so I could buy his next book. I’ll never know, but I have it saved to look at when I need a pick-me-up.)

You would think that would be motivation enough to get cracking on my passion, which was at the time screenwriting. I love movies and loved to write even as a young kid, so when I got to UCLA I took as many screenwriting classes as I could along with my English classes for my major.

But time passed on and I was doing so many things at school that I didn't focus on what I thought was my passion. Screenwriting was the first type of formatted creative writing that I learned while at UCLA (and it's influenced how I write my novel) even before I took creative writing courses.

I thought I had enough time. Time to practice at it. Time to figure out how to make my dreams a reality. I could myself writing scripts and becoming successful as clear as the movies I saw in the theater. The vision was vivid and tangible, so why did I fail to make something happen?

Part of it was certainly lack of discipline. Another part of it was that I just assumed it would work out sooner or later. Things, scholastically, had always seemed to work out in my favor up to then.

I did write a lot and had internships at various production companies, even at Amblin, Steven Spielberg’s company. He was my film idol growing up. They even had E.T. door handles! How could I not make it work with all the opportunities and resources I had at my disposal?

But for some reason, the drive wasn’t quite there. I was having too much fun being in college rather than finding a balance.

Out of school, I started working and couldn't tell you why I didn't keep up with screenwriting or even try novel writing. I wrote a handful of screenplays over the next several years after college, but never pursued it more than just a hobby.

I was single with no real responsibilities besides a job and paying bills. I had so much free time on my hands it was ridiculous. Not to mention, I lived in LA for almost 20 years so location wasn’t an issue.

Fast forward years and I find myself laid off in 2019 with a nice severance package and an additional month of employment. I didn't know it but I would only be out of work for about six months. I was so concentrated on finding a job, though, that it consumed my time: resume writing and rewriting, job searches, LinkedIn networking, reaching out to friends and former work colleagues.

My mind worried about how I was going to start contributing again to our finances. I felt like trying to write my novel in addition to job searching would be irresponsible in some way.

Looking back on it now, that was the perfect opportunity to get something finished. I could have easily taken an hour or two out of my day to write a few pages. It felt at times like my job hunt was all-consuming every day, but I don't think it really was in hindsight.

I document all of this for you, fellow traveler, because I don't want you, or my daughter, to make the same mistake in getting caught up in complacency, or the notion that "I'm talented enough to make it one day." Don't rely on "someday." Make today that day and make it count. Make every day count if even for a little, or soon you'll be 49 and counting the days that counted for nothing.

Youth and time are deceptive. Together, they make the perfect robbers of your ambition.

I'm not saying you can't enjoy your youth, but if you have a passion and you have the talent, don't waste it thinking there's always tomorrow. There's no harm in starting today.